– feeds your head

Alcohol and solitude.

There are a lot of intoxicating substances that are illegal in our society. They have been given this status because they are claimed to be a threat to public health, and through their status as illegal all consumers of these substances become criminals with all the stigma that involves. In addition to this, since these substances are propagated as being dangerous, anyone who uses them will also be considered stupid and destructive. Then there are some intoxicating substances that are not illegal, like alcohol, and this puzzles me because if there is one drug that really makes people stupid and destructive it’s alcohol. Drunk people are extremely annoying for so many reasons. They are slow, clumsy and violent. When you are drunk you turn into a more primitive version of yourself. A person that will do and say things you wouldn’t dream of when you are sober. But for some reason this is ok because you are drunk. It’s sanctioned by all social rules. You go out, get drunk and make a complete fool of yourself and forget half the things you have said and done and wake up with a headache and nausea and then you tell yourself you must have had a really great night last night. Yeah, for sure…

Drunk people are stupid because alcohol makes your brain shut down, and that is why drunk people will repeat the same question over and over again, fall over if you push them and get aggressive over nothing. Drinking feeds your most primitive sides. You turn into a drooling moron. Why is that socially sanctioned ? And why is this state of mind so desired? Why do people want to be stupid? That’s what i can’t understand.

I am not saying alcohol should be made illegal,  I’m just saying it’s strange that a drug that lowers your judgement to such an extent is considered less dangerous than for instance THC or LSD. That’s what I can’t understand. That and the fact that people actually want to get drunk. I hate being drunk. I hate when my brain doesn’t function. I hate being slow. I don’t understand what is so great about being retarded. I don’t drink alcohol anymore and for precisely these reasons. But what’s even stranger is that when you say you don’t drink alcohol people will treat you as if there is something wrong with you. The immediate question is usually if it’s because you have a problem with alcohol, or it is in my case. If I looked differently it might be different, but I suppose I don’t really look like a born again christian or something from that part of society, so the immediate assumption is that I must have a drinking problem. But my only problem with drinking is that I don’t actually like being drunk and when you state that as the reason people will look at you as if you were insane. Yeah, I’m the crazy one for not wanting to turn into a rambling moron with slurred speech and zero control over my body, sure…

I don’t know, maybe people just have a very hard time dealing with their own thoughts. Maybe the reason people like getting drunk is the same reason they don’t like being alone. They are just not comfortable in their own heads, with their own thoughts. I like thinking. And I like being in my own head. There have been times when I didn’t and then alcohol was a great way to escape. But that’s all it ever was. Escape. And I actually like the confrontational approach better. Progression rather than regression. I’d rather expand my mind than shut it of. And you do think better when you’re alone. And it’s harder to escape your own thoughts when you’re alone. But since fear is not socially acceptable, one of the main reasons, i.e. excuses, to avoid solitude is boredom. I’ve never understood how that’s even possible. I never get bored when I’m alone. The only time I ever get bored is when I’m around other people. I’m not saying I don’t like seeing other people, I’m just that I have no problem being alone. I like it. It’s never a waste of time. I enjoy my alone time. I mean how could I not? It’s all up to me and what I make of it, so how could it possibly be boring? As soon as other people are involved it becomes a question of compromise which is fine, but it does open up the potential for boredom. When I’m alone it’s all up to me. Being in my own head.

And just to be clear, I have nothing against altered states of mind, quite the opposite, it’s the stupid part I mind. And that why I don’t like alcohol. Alcohol is said to be a social drug, i.e. a drug that makes social interactions easier, but that only applies when everyone is on alcohol. When you’re the only person not drinking, the whole social aspect fails. Only a drunk person can have a satisfying conversation with another drunk person. If you’re not drunk it all becomes unbearable very quickly. I’m the first to admit I have serious patience issues, but when the same question is repeated for the fourth time and the speech is so slurred you can hardly distinguish the words, it all just turns into a huge waste of time instead of a social interaction. So those alleged enhancement capabilities of the drug are, in my opinion, somewhat overrated. More often than not it just makes having a meaningful conversation very difficult. And add to that the impaired thinking capacity…

Interestingly these two things, my refusal of alcohol intoxication and my fondness of solitude, are frequently used by people around me when they want to exemplify what it is about me that makes me weird. And I actually don’t dispute being labeled as a freak, I suppose there may very well be some truth in that, but I do think these two things are rather strange to use as examples. I like having full brain capacity and I like using my time to do things I enjoy. I don’t drink and I like being alone. And for some reason those two things makes me weird in the eyes of society. I just find that rather bizarre.

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